Up, down, up, down

I have been analysing (yet again!!). Why do I let the triggers get to me? Is there a different way to think about them? I'm sure the blocking techiques will work, if I would only give them a try. So, last week I made a concerted effort to not worry about the triggers. I stopped myself from flinching one evening when the sports reporter came on the local news (she has the same name), and in the main news it was reported that a Polish girl had been killed - I simply turned away and didn't really listen to it all. This was in addition to the news the day before, in which it was reported that a Polish woman had been accidentally shot dead in gun cross-fire. I can't believe all these reminders coming at me from all fronts. I suppose it could just as easily be other things reminding me, for instance, if her name had been different I would still hear it mentioned now and again, or if she drove a certain car - I don't know - anything - there would always be reminders, whatever the situation. Anyway, I decided to act positively, and instead of worrying about it, I simply turned my brain to something else. I suppose this will do until the triggers wash over me, which I am confident they will do in time.

The major trigger this week was our trip to the Lake District. This time last year (the very same dates) I went on my own, (K was over in the Ukraine), supposedly to have a relaxing break and get over all the emotional trauma of the 'so-called' emotional affair, as I thought it was then, but it was on my return from that trip (on the 10th October) that I checked K's work emails and found the evidence that it was beyond a simple friendship. Later that week (14th October), when K returned home, out came the confession that it had been physical since May. So, all in all, it wasn't the relaxing break I'd hoped for.

While I was there last year, I thought that I would come again with K, as the hotel was very nice, and I suggested it for our wedding anniversary in January, but we chose somewhere else for that occasion. I initially wanted to go a bit later on, but somehow it turned out to be the same dates as last year, but I decided to go ahead anyway. I imagined that it would probably exorcise the demons from last year, and make better memories of the area, and indeed it has.

So, we went on Monday morning and returned on Wednesday had we had a great time. We did very similar things to my last trip - a drive round Windermere and Coniston Water, took photos, had a nice meal in the hotel, did some walking, and did some new things too, but this time together.

We've been very good with our communication lately. No angry outbursts and lots of understanding. I think the walking on eggshells will soon be a thing of the past. I know things are still improving day by day, but I think my attitude has changed and I can see a much better future. In fact, the major things bothering me at the moment are some ongoing health problems - some hormone related, and one huge problem with a skin rash I've had for some time now. It's now getting the correct treatment and is clearing up at long last.

Some photos from our trip.

Rainbow in the Langdale mist

Lake Windermere from Orrest Head viewpoint

View from our room looking over the fells